Monday, December 8, 2008

IGT: Tappen's Wardrobe Selection...


Look, it sucks, we've reviewed that length (the Great 8). So why title an entry in such a fashion, you ask? Because i didn't feel like stealing a Bill Simmons header while also borrowing a format of his (or at least made famous by). So here's our first of what hopefully will be many future installments of - "In Game Thoughts"

7:05 - What the hell is Jack wearing for a sweater? How is it possible for Brick to look so clean and have the guy who DIDNT get slapped around a pro hockey surface for 14 years look terrible?

7:08 - Julien starts with the Yelle line (4th) against the Lightning...that's either an insult to the Lightning or a compliment to our depth. Let's go with column B for now.

7:09 - Chara almost killed someone...and i have NO idea why. I'm not kidding, he just started shoving two guys in the corner and they both nearly fell over.

7:11 - Thomas just gloved a deflected shot that two years ago he would've never seen (fortunately, this was going wide anyway). Amazing how i feel like i'm watching Moog and Lemelin all over again this season. Our backup has won 7 straight? WAHAT?!!

7:14 - Last year's number 1 overall pick (impressed with my knowledge yet?) Steven Stamkos just got called for a holding, which i'm pretty sure should've been a penalty on the Bruins. I even rewound my DVR and still think this was on us...more on this later. This Lightning penalty kill scares the crap out of me. OMGBBQ: Paul Ranger sucks. Nice slashing move right there...thanks for the consecutive PP's. Kessel should've finished that though.

7:17 - YEA!!! Lucic Bitches. That was a phenomenal representation of puck movement and puck control. Kessel and Wideman made that a cinch for the big guy in front with some nice patience and vision. I think what impressed me most there was that i 100% expected Wideman to shoot after Kessel found him. I saw the opening, saw Wideman break for the slot, which was the right move, and am happy to see Kessel had the patience to hit him...but i thought, oh here comes your high wrister (when a low one far side would've created a rebound opportunity for two of his teamates) because, well, he's done this before and gotten lucky by actually scoring on that shot. But no - he saw the fact that he had effectively stumbled onto a three on one and actually got patient. Nice goal.

7:23 - I meant to mention this over the weekend. Who is this Mike Smith clown? He's plays the puck more than Savard for chrissakes, much less Dipietro. I need to research this fucker.

7:25 - Ok, Jack Edwards has now described Kessel as "Red Hot", "Absolutely on Fire" and "Completely Smoking!" (i made the last one up) in the last two games. This is going to sound completely like a Globe columnist, but sometimes when a team is in a mode, pucks bounce your way. On that goal, the puck bounced Kessel's way at least 3 times. First, his dangle crossing the blueline, the move to the slot and finally the goal, which bounced off Ranger (sucks). 2-0 B's

7:28 - I told myself not to post entries every 2-3 you can blame our offense for this one. Ryder just scored a nice one while i was typing that last one. 3-0 and a Lightning timeout. Jack aptly points out that we've now scored on three consecutive shots.

7:33 - Mike Smith looks like he's hoping there's a trap door under the net at this point. He made that last save with about as much confidence as Michael Cera sang to the room full of dudes doing lines in Superbad. (That link isn't what you think)

7:36 - Post (after 3 shots in 10 seconds)

7:38 - If Jack describes the Bruins conference standings as something like "substantial" again, i'm hurling my cat into the Christmas tree. On second thought, she's been plotting her attack on that thing the way Cheney started plotting the Iraq War in 1988 so maybe i should be happy she hasn't ripped any ornaments off yet. I love our puck movement too Jack, but settle the fuck down. It's not even Hanukkah yet. And i would know...i haven't lit any damn candles!

7:43 - "Ridiculously Exciting": That's how the Bruins are scoring goals according to Mr. Edwards. And Brick just poignantly noted that the ice girls can pretty much just focus on the TBL side of the ice during commercial breaks given the way this one has gone so far. While i'm writing this, Tampa is finally generating a decent rush and its led by Stamkos (he of the minus 746, er, ok, minus twelve). Even St Louis couldn't get through our blue line in this period. Let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet folks...intermission.

8:01 - Jack just made a very amusing crack about Naoko Fukayama being on a honeymoon and whether or not she should be allowed back on the air given the Bruins are on a streak. He's got my vote. While we're at it, let's lose Tappen, too. Someone just pointed out to me that we can't let her back anyway because this is a hockey game, not a railroad. WOW.

8:02 - Really dumb interfence by Kobasew. Next time act like you've seen a goalie make a save before instead of pummeling the opposing winger into our post.

8:05 - oh fun! Mike Smith just fell over underneath Yelle while trying to field a puck. I really feel like this guy over does this puck playing thing. Even Hextall didn't play it this much and that was before the Trapezoid bullshit. Honestly, i WANT someone to hit goalies like this: screw the unwritten rule.

8:07 - 6:01 (actually Jack, its 4:01) of the Second Period and Artyuhkyn is a hooker. I mean it. He's a hooker, like Julia Roberts and Elizabeth Shue before him. Now get in the box.

8:10 - Decent powerplay. I really love Hunwick. This kid reminds me of a young Glen Wesley (no, i don't know why) sans the red hair of course.Now all he needs is a porn 'stache.

8:13 - 1. How did Vinny get away with the two hander he just laid on Savard? He looked like a fuckin lumberjack in the Strongest Man competition. B. How did Timmy make EITHER of these saves. The first one, he didnt see and it slipped behind him (more on that in a second) and the second one...he never saw either! Great positioning, great luck.
D. Why on earth did the horn just sound? If this is a goal review from Toronto, i want Bettman on the phone this instant because this simply violates an explicitly stated rule about replay review. The play must, must, must stop of its on accord. Brick and Jack are curious too.

8:17 - Back from commercial and now they're claiming accident (what is this, youth hockey?) and they're conveniently reviewing the non-goal anyway. Here comes the apologetic banter from Jack, who's trying not to get fined for talking out too much.

8:18 - Now Savvy's the hooker. Dirty bastard. Why don't you go to your home on Whore Island? How's about a PENALTY SHOT!!!??? Those caps are warranted. Axe will get it for a great SH chance
Another nearly reviewable non-goal....which should've been reviewed. But no. Nothing. No phone call and fake siren from Toronto?

8:21 - bullshit.
8:21:14 - total bullshit
8:21:59 - Chara just pulled a Ray Allen on Vinny at center ice (remember when he juked Vujacic out of his shoes in the finals last year? No? You don't watch Basketball? Fine)

8:2something - Lucic just killed Sahara(?) like the desert? Lucic is probably 5 minutes or less away from a fight. just wait. Oh and i think it's Szczechura.

8:25 - 3-1 Bruins: Bad goal. Bad bad bad. But only because Thomas made the save and then about 6 people crashed the crease. This actually was the right call and i don't need to see a replay to know it.

8:30 - This is far from over. Sort of like the cold war. Putin is nationalizing again, by the way. See, he also does International Affairs. Like when we play the Leafs or the Habs.

8:32 - The Bonesaw roomate just woke up from her second 90 minute nap of the evening; is this normal? The cat is still asleep next to her. ANNNND we're back from commercial. Nice audio NESN, feels like you just pulled out the ground on half my speaker wiring.

8:35 - Great breakaway and second effort by Kobasew, but now we're seeing why Smith has started 11 of the last 12 for the Bolts. (Powerplay coming for the B's)

8:37 - We got a 5-3 coming up! My favorite anticipation moment in hockey...and we have apparently yet to score a goal on one this year.

8:39 - i gotta quote Jack on this...
"back to Charrrraaa's BOMMMMMMB SCORES!! " Terrific shot to the top shelf. Which reminds me: if you hook up with a hockey chick and she is kind enough to know...well feel free to tell her you just roofed it and tell her the 'saw said so.

8:40 - It's ok, the horn was supposed to sound that time. Back in a bit.

8:58 - NESN just ran an ad talking about great hockey minds and actually had the gall to refer to Tappen and Funayama ( i may have finally gotten it right just now). Unreal. You can now ask yourself what you're doing reading this and what i'm doing it writing it when there are expert roles to fill. I know, i know. Let's move on.
9:00 - the roomate wants to start rating the bruins on "hotness". Things that won't happen for $800 Alex?

9:01 - Artyuhkin now seems to be shadowing Savvy. Interesting.

9:04 - After an uneventful couple of minutes, the B's take a penalty for hooking while Lecavalier was trying to make a one on four rush. Smooth move.

9:07 - Ok, Artyhukin just laid a really high hit on Wideman and yet they're calling another damn penalty on Krejci. Probably legit call, but jesus christ call it both ways. David has increased his season PIM by 67% in the last 3 minutes of play. Thomas is unconscious this period by the way.

9:10 - Ok, Mike Smith just played the puck clearrrrrrrrly in the Trapezoid with the Ref 8 feet call. And down the other end Thomas makes another completely unlikely save. He's his usual unorthodox self tonight and at this point, who gives a shit how he gets it done.

9:15 - Crap. Crap crap crap. Great writing, right? I know. Thanks. 4-2 now, thanks to a soft redirection goal.

9:16 - Bergy just butt humped Recchi three consecutive times and then absorbed a hit from Szczechura so well, that the Bolt fell down. This followed up by Malik taking a dumb interference call right when the visitors might have been building momentum. Let's see if the Bruins can do the mature thing and score another man-advantage goal and crush their spirits.

9:22 - Boring. This has been the most boring 5 minutes of the game...yet it's 4-2 and only 7 minutes remain. wierd.

9:24 - There are still at least two full shifts left from the St Louis/Lecavalier line and otherwise, this feels like it's winding down. Sort of like the career of a certain politician we all know and love.

9:27 - Some well deserved love for the Bruins Assistant Coaches. Ramsey is a great coach but i particularly am looking forward to a close view of Doug Houda on the ice this weekend. The guys is a great head coach in the making if you ask me.

9:28 - Say what you will about Bergy's production being slow to come back but I think he's playing really solid hockey right now. He's arguably our best forechecker night to night (evidenced in one case by creating a great goal the other night) and is still building back strength. The points will come.

9:31 - 2 minutes to play and I'm loving the "Let's go Bruins!" chants from the still raucous crowd. Lecavalier is back out there. He is one of maybe 10 guys who scare me no matter what the circumstances if he's on the ice. The Bolts just tried to pull Smith in a pretty hilarious affair which resulted in a Kobasew partial breakaway.

9:33 - 17 seconds left and the Lightning have pulled this to 4-3. This will basically serve to make practice really uncomfortable for the boys tomorrow. HAHA. Jack just called Szczechura "eye chart". Classy.

9:35 - Need I say it? Here's a mug shot.
It took all night (and 27 regular season games with one "non-goal" penalty shot) but Anders Per-Johan Axelsson just netted his first of the year into an empty net to finish it off at 5-3. It's a 10 game home win streak for the Bruins who are now 19-4-0-4. Signing off, thanks for reading.

GNH to follow...maybe. Congrats Naoko!

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